I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
