Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it glows. i had to have it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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