So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
