That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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