I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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