K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
