i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
