I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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