At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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