my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
