I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
