If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
