I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
