I wish I could punch you in the face.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
