This house was built for laser tag.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
