she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
