So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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