i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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