man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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