I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
