When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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