I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry about my life...
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