he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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