We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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