do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
