Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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