he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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