The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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