honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
