I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She even gives head with a lisp.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
