So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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