i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
