Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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