so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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