if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
