He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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