I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
