porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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