His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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