At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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