no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
