Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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