I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize