I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had to cum in my sink.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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