shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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