it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
