Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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