sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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