Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
