see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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