Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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