Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
