I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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