She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
