he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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