You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
