sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
