At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize