R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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