Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
