I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
